Don't judge a girl by her cover

Some people really try to look unique. Others try to look stylish and trendy. Still, others go for the bohemian art look or perhaps the skin-head metal look. There are all types of looks available. Your style is merely a reflection of your inner being... or is it?

I think if you could peer into my being, you would find my soul to be decked out in vintage wear with rockin' jewelry, maybe a tattoo, and wonderfully punk-like hair (not as in a Mohawk). I would have incredible shoes that nobody else had and the most amazing, funky (yet subtle) bags. Because ON THE INSIDE I am an artist, a nonconformist, a free thinker.

Not so much on the outside though. Why? Well, first of all, I just don't have the time or desire! I may have the most obscure taste in films, art, music and humor. I may have strange mannerisms and phone habits. I may be one heck of an odd ball, but from the surface I appear to be ... normal. Or at least I think so. And "normal" isn't a word I use often because THERE IS NO NORMAL and if there is, I am definitely not 'with normal'. So in other (better) words I guess I appear to be average, ordinary, perhaps even bland. As in, I shop at the GAP, I drive an SUV, I have no tattoos or piercings (other than my two ears) and I wear my hair in a pony tail almost every single day.

I have to admit I often spy edgy/stylish/cute girls and wish I could dress like them. But I wouldn't know where to begin! Because dressing like them takes TIME. And being a mom, that's not something I have a lot of. Plus, I have plenty of other activities to occupy my time. Like sleeping, reading, watching films - activities that take little effort and LET'S FACE IT, shopping takes great effort. While I love to shop, I can only do so much of it. And as a visually stimulated person, I am COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED in most stores. For example, if you want to see me break down into zombie mode, walk with me into a Bed Bath and Beyond. It's just...too...much...

So, I have to go to places that display clothing simply. Places with little selection and variation. Places that play music that isn't too fast, yet still upbeat. Places with good lighting. This is why I go to the GAP or Banana Republic EVERY SINGLE TIME. Take me to one of those basement shops with unique finds and vintage wear and I immediately go into shock overload. There is something really disturbing about thrift shops and I just can't get over the thought that someone might have died in the clothes I am looking through. And to stress my earlier point about TIME, I don't want to commit hours to sorting through junk to find the jewel.

I can't do boutique stores because they scare me. It's the sales ladies. There is something really scary about the way they approach you and breath down your neck and make you feel inferior. I can't do Anthropologie, though I love it, because there is WAY too much to chose from and I lose my sanity after five minutes of total over-stimulation. Target has terrible lighting and displays and department stores are like mazes with dead end traps and dark dressing rooms. So I resigned to the quest to find cool clothes and zipped up my GAP hoodie over my head in defeat long ago.

So how do all you fashionistas find the time? I really want to know. I also don't read or look at fashion magazines. Mainstream fashion mostly bugs me anyway so I could care less. But away from clothes and onto the hair...

I always see these great haircuts and groovy chicks sporting artsy bangs. While I have tried to look cool with my hair, I ultimately fail every time because I have the thickest hair on the planet. All you thin-haired gals just complain all the time, but YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD YOU HAVE IT. I would have fit in perfectly in the 80's, and while the 80's styles are back, the huge permed hair is not and I am left with my thick wavy locks, attempting constantly to straiten and thin them out. Yes, I get hair cuts to thin out my hair and I have all sorts of tools to help TAME THE MANE. I even have assorted oils and greasy balms that I coat my wild hair with to keep it down. So, I'm out with the groovy hair. When short hair looks like a fur hat on your head and bangs curl with the humidity, you don't have too many options. Gotta love that ponytail.

I'm also out on the tattoo or body piercing (Mom, I hear your sigh of relief.) I could never, ever get a tattoo because I am COMPLETELY noncommittal and indecisive. I mean, a tattoo is PERMANENT. If I have trouble deciding what to order off the menu at the restaurant we frequent weekly, I surely could never decide on a permanent image to be painted on my body! And the piercings - wow - I could never do this either because I'm a HUGE BABY when it comes to pain. I also get a tad nauseated sticking earrings in my ears. Seriously I do. There is just no way, no how.

So, because I do not want to invest the time or energy, because I have huge hair and because I am indecisive and slightly squeamish, I just have to settle for an outside that doesn't match my inside. But do I care? Apparently a little or I wouldn't have spent so much time writing this. I suppose as women, we all care a lot about our appearance. Some much more than others. I would love to tell you that I don't care at all. But the truth is that I do. WE ALL DO. It's all such a waste of time though if you think about it. The world tells us we are what we appear to be. Ha! I'm not. So maybe it's actually cooler to not be stylish or trendy or hip or artsy or whatever. At least, that's what I can tell myself, right?

For the mean time, I have to just accept that I'm not a fashionista, a hipster, a trend follower (or setter). I do not look incredibly artsy, or fartsy or whatever. Well, maybe fartsy.

So what are you wearing on the inside?